Oh Canada

OK I'm American but "Oh Canada" freaking rocks. It makes sense. The Star Spangled Banner? not so much until you get to the last few lines that the majority of America is competent enough to sing. Not the point of this post, but we are saying au revoir to the Vancouver Olympics as I type.

Now I'm not one to give in to Facebook trends; you know, announcing the color of the bra I'm wearing or participating in doppelganger week (thank GOD that self-indulgence is over). But there was once a list of 25 Things going around that I unfortunately did give in to. I decided to polish it up a bit and shorten it to 20 Things about me that you were probably better off not knowing.

1. I have an awful, inappropriate, offensively sarcastic sense of humor. Most people aren't sure what to do with it...this usually alienates many and creates awkward situations.

2. I'm 5'11" flat. Why is this important you ask? Because many of you are running around saying I'm 6ft tall and I'd like to publicly announce that in fact, is a LIE.

3. My best friends call me Liz or Lizzie. It became an evolution of Melissa to Melisser to Melizzard to Lizard to Liz. Be glad you missed the awkward years of Lizard introductions.

4. I have this tendency to shorten every word possible until sentences become their own incoherent language. My sister and I believe we invented the world "obvy" about a decade ago.

5. I've been kicked out of a bar 3 times: once for underage, once for underage/excessive sloppiness and crying due to dropping my entire purse and cellphone into a toilet, and once for bringing in my own alcohol. (FYI I did NO such thing and had to be restrained from tackling the 5ft bartender chick who kicked me out)

6. I have just one tattoo on the back of my neck. Allegations have been made that it means "cheetos and cake" in Italian but really it says la vita e bella (life is beautiful) and I'd like to get more, if only to continue the disapproval of my parents.

7. My favorite show ever is That 70s Show, even after my mother pointed out that my dad looked exactly like Hyde in college, thus ruining my attraction to Danny Masterson for life.

8. I just shuffled my iPod and it went from Taylor Swift to Eminem to The Beatles to Celine Dion to Tchaikovsky to Death Cab to Michael Bolton to NSYNC to the Chipmunk Adventure theme song. I'm sorry.

9. I spent 8 years studying and playing the trumpet (band nerds and camp FTW) and subsequently learned the French horn, flute, and piano.

10. I can also sing! I performed in every elaborate musical production in high school including Footloose and West Side Story, and was also in a show choir at a performing arts school.

11. I spent half my life as a competitive swimmer and qualified for nationals in the 500 free in '01, '02, and '03. I narrowly missed double knee surgery and now have displaced knee caps, weak rotator cuffs, and tendonitis in my left wrist, but I will tell you I loved every minute of it.

12. My ideal Saturday is wearing a jersey, drinking beer, and yelling obscenities at a television screen in a bar. Doesn't matter which sport.

13. I'm Sicilian and pasta at Thanksgiving dinner is completely appropriate.

14. "Fuck" was probably the third word out of my life as a toddler. I don't know if that explains anything other than the fact that I have parents with sailor mouths. Who are Sicilian.

15. Augusten Burroughs and Chuck Klosterman are my favorite writers. We get each other (see item #1 on this list)

16. I work in book publishing and I couldn't see myself in any other career, at least not one with a bookshelf full of free books, or weird yet endearing coworkers.

17. I'm from the "Midwest" that is Ohio - I grew up with all four seasons, farms and Amish country not far away, cliche suburban schooling and Friday night football games and bonfires, 3 unsuccessful pro sports teams who still have my undying loyalty, camping, boating, hiking, and fishing, Cedar Point roller coasters, and the most genuine people you'll ever meet.

18. I have really weird eating habits, such as buying rolls of cookie dough purely for eating and not for baking, making PBJ sans bread and instead spooning the peanut butter and jelly straight into my mouth, and just recently my cubemate had the pleasure of witnessing me using a spoon to eat the remaining inch crumbs at the bottom of my Pringles can.

19. I can't think of one instance in which I resisted peer pressure, including starting this blog, drinking challenges, and eating random things off the floor.

20. Lastly, BACK to the closing ceremonies of the 2010 Vancouver Winter Olympics, I'll make a final note that I am completely 100% obsessed with the olympics, no matter the season (ok lie, summer has swimming so it's totes better than winter). I want to be there cheering and rubbing shoulders with athletes or volunteering or just waving an American flag. It's the most recurring epic event of our lives and if I could compete I would.

It also inspires me every two years to starting working out again as if I'm training for something. We'll see this year...I might just plan to train for some professional eating competition instead.