The Kids Are Alright

Well this seems somewhat irrelevant today because it references my sick day yesterday and stalking daycare children via webcam. But there were computer glitches so we'll deal. Yes, stalked/children/webcam were part of that sentence. So was "sick" but that is unrelated.

It was a typical Monday night - One Tree Hill, The Bachelor, and 4am googling of appendicitis (my hypochondria is brought to you by WebMD). No appendix removal required, but digestively too crippled (and tired from 4am googling) to put in an 8 hour day. So I did what anyone else would do - I logged onto the Creation Kingdom website with my sister's password to watch my 11 month old nephew at daycare from 3 different vantage points. I didn't mean to stalk the other kids, they were innocent bystanders. As it turns out, those kids are assholes. Poor Brody, not yet walking like the others, was left to his own devices. A bit of a loner. So I had no issue as I watched him remove a shoe and fire it at the nearest child's head. Although my java script runs the webcam a bit slow so I can't really clock his speed accurately.

This is where we enter some weird territory. It has been said that I will never have children, and it has also been said that I hate children. Neither is true. I'll break it down by percentage to give my soul more credit and my heart a little warmth. It goes like this: I'm 25% sure I'll have kids one day, 75% sure I'll like them, and 90% sure I won't like yours. That's not hatred, that's honesty.

See I like Brody, no, I love Brody, and what I love even more is that I can give him back to his owners at the end of the day. To think of the years I face with Brody handmade crap crafts and Brody's santa shop gifts and Brody's artistic rendering of his family which will closely resemble a lightswitch being swallowed by a ghostly cat (oh what that's supposed to be a house and the wind blowing the trees? YOU CAN'T DRAW WIND, GENIUS) will surely stop the ticking of this alleged biological clock I possess.

This guy has the right idea. Children have this natural ability to do things horribly wrong whether it's drawing, reading, singing, eating, playing, and it brings me joy. I will happily involve the failures of a child into everyday conversation and jokes just to put a smile on your/my face. It's not evil especially when my own sister, the mother of Brody, threw him into a snowbank for christsake. I mean she'll claim to this very day that they were "both making snow angels" but we both know that's not true. He is GLARING at her in this photo with a look that says "I will wait until after my bath to have an accident, subsequently vomit, and proceed to wake you every hour until 7am."

No thanks.